Who I have become

The 2009 year has been an interesting year for me to say the least. 2008 ended with Chase in the hospital for about a week and then 2009 started with no job for the first 5 months of the year. I know it is all about character building, I just thought I was already a character!

It has been a very good time. I have realized that I am happy with the man I have become. I have done more growing up the past five years then in the 34 previous, I guess that is good since I will be 40 in November of this year.

The growing I needed to do was to to learn to take responsibility for things in my life. Not things like paying the mortgage, loving my wife, these I things I already knew to do. It was about taking responsibility for things in my life that I wanted to blame on others. It started with a men's group I was leading about 6 years ago when I had one of those encounters with God that is like running into a brick wall. God really spoke to my heart and told me to quit blaming situations in the past for where I was at that time. It is always easier to look for blame somewhere but yourself....the Adam Syndrome.... it has been around a long time!!

In life there will always be circumstances that arise that set us back. We can complaim about them or embrace them. I do not mean embrace them in a silly way, but we need to understand that this is life and life is full of tests. I have no doubt learned more after tough times then I learned during the tough times, but as I have matured I have began to learn more during the tough times.

This past 6 months I have faced a lot of personal attacks toward my character and to who I am as a man. I have purposed in my heart to not get bitter and to be the better man, it has not been easy. The attacks on my character were taken very hard by Carrie and that caused me more grief than the anything. I know at the end of the day that I know who I am, God knows who I am, and the people that know me - know me regardless of what was being said.

I thank God that I am a man that is not determined by what others say or think. I only have to be true to God, my wife, and my kids....that is what I have signed up for. As long as I can stand before God with my head held high, look my wife in the eyes anytime, and know that I have done the best to teach my boys to be true men, then I do not care what is or has been said.

I am grateful to God for restoring the relationship I had with my previous employeer and I am curious to see what the future may hold. I truly had favor with him and it appears that as the truth is coming out, that the favor is returning. Not sure what God has in mind, but glad that I did not get in the way of what He wants to do.

As I have touted my great manliness, I at the same time must admit that I am still dealing in my heart with another individual - still in the character building process I guess. I have forgiven, the forgetting is not coming as easily as it should. Maybe there is still some growing to do, I know it will never stop....until I take my last breath anyways.

Not sure what the point is here, goes well with the title of the blog I guess!

Really, the point is that I am happy with the man God has allowed me to become.
Not reached full maturity, but like my 13 year old......I appear to be on the right track.